wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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