just tell him i said nine months
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
