I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
