there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
