I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
