This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
