no, he came in my armpit
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
