I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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