he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
