If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
