It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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