This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
