How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
