Your face is a jimmy john
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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