It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
