She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
