he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
