can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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