i need an iv and a liver transplant
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
