GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
