Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
