Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who died my cat blue again?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
