ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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