You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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