I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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