I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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