I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
