soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
