my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
