You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
