I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
