oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
