You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
