he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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