Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
