Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
