In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
