she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
