and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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