I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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