Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
