i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
