i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
