i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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