Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we made out on top of his cat.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
