Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
