im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
