Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
