No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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