he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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