I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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