I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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