What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
